What does my soul want for the next 20 years?

There’s a lot of self-reflection coming up here. While the reflections are coming from me, my mind, and into my fingers as I tap on the keyboard, nothing in these reflections is unique to me. They’re reflections of an ordinary human. And I’m pretty certain that what’s to come in this piece of writing is universal and true for every human. I didn’t use to see that.

I was a different case. My story, my psyche, my everything was unique. I belonged in a different boat. I was wrong. As compelling as my differences and uniqueness looked and felt to me, nope. I was wrong.

I fought against that for a while. My ego hated the idea of ‘me’ not being the same as the average ‘Joe’. Truth be told, my ego still resists that. But I don’t have to listen and give in to everything my ego says and wants. A few weeks ago, while out on a walk, my quiet, reflective mind came up with the following thought:

When I realised my ego was more interested in being right and having everything figured out more than it was interested in me being happy, it began to make less sense to listen to what it had to say. What I didn’t expect was not only has that made me far more content, I’ve been doing better at all parts of my life.

When that came into my mind. I stopped walking, took the phone out of the pocket of my Levi’s, and tapped those words into the notes section. I don’t normally do that with an insight. This one felt right to note it, and when I got home, it made sense to make a quick video to share it. It was too good to keep to myself.

The next day, my quiet, reflective mind drifted somewhere else. I have a birthday coming up (I’m reaching my ‘double-dimes’ as one Client in Texas calls it). Now that I’ve had my own business for almost 20 years, I wondered what my next 20 years might be about. And this question popped into my mind, “What does my soul want for the next 20 years?”

Not my ego. Not my business. Not the ‘stuff’ of my life. My soul. That surprised me. But it came with such a beautiful feeling that I knew it was a question I wanted to ponder on. Not think about. To ponder with lightness. To let that question come in and out, knowing the answer is unknowable, unthinkable, and untethered to a date and time. I did think about dedicating some time to it. Taking a 3-4 day break. Maybe spend a few days with one of my mentors on this one thing alone. Or go to Peru for an ayahuasca retreat (that idea has always intrigued me). Truth is, I don’t need any of that. Any of them would be nice, helpful even. But not needed.

Then, this morning. It was raining hard, so I was having my morning coffee just inside the French doors of my office that open into the garden. While enjoying the much needed rain, and being mesmerised by the splashes raindrops make in the puddles of the paved area between the back of my house and the lawn, my mind went to an event I have in September. A small group coach-mentoring program is coming to its end after our year together. For the past few years, I’ve made our final group call about honouring each other. What we love the most about each person and the one wish we have for them.

I take time to think about each of the 6 of them. One specific mentee came to mind, and I wondered what my wish was for him. His life has changed so much (in a good way) over these past 12 months, in both his personal and professional life. His future has never looked so bright. The next thought was my wish for him to be this: I wish you knew you have everything you could wish for inside you right now.

That wish was not for him in that moment. It was for me. My mind emptied. My eyes filled up. My 5 senses work. I can take in the beauty of nature, this planet, the stars. The splash from a raindrop in a puddle. The scent in the air from a ground that was parched a few hours before. The cool air on my bare feet. The taste of my fresh, hot coffee. The whirr and peeps from small birds sheltering in my olive tree. The feeling of gratitude to experience another day.

Maybe there’ll be more that comes up in that question of what my soul wants for my next 20 years. Maybe it’ll have ideas of how I might want to use my time while I’m here. Maybe I will go to Peru. Maybe not.. Maybe a book. Maybe a movement. Maybe nothing.

I do know that in this feeling of gratitude, whatever I ‘do’ will be done with deeper presence. And nothing brings greater impact than presence.

That might be all my soul ever wants. To be grateful for being alive.

With love and thanks,

Wyn